Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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