There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
