I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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