so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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