I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
