she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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