So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
