Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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