my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
