I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
