Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
