Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
