I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
