theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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