I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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