why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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