i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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