my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
