I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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