You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
