bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
