I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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