i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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