seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
