i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Randomize