just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
