i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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