does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.