Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.