Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
