Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
