Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
