Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
