I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
