I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my shit smells like andre
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
