you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
