woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
