It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
