I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Found your dick twin last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
