you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
