i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
