shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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