He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
