i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
