he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
