When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
