When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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