she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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