my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
