I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
