I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
