this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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