There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
whose parrot is this?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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