I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
