Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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