Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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