He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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