So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
