How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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