I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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