Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
