Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
