It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
