Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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