You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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