I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
