genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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