It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
