There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
