I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
