my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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