so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
