3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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