just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
