the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
