...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
