he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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