ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
