i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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