do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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