it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
