and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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