So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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