Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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