when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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