Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
