i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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