Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize